I am often being criticised for being open about my health and condition. But when things happen it does help both the people around me and myself that I tell people that this can happen. It doesn’t matter if you are medically trained or not, if someone collapses right in front of you, it is scary.

My partner and I had just come back to the station after a long shift. It turned out to be 13 hours, 7 calls and 213 miles driven (yes, I keep track of those numbers). We had parked the truck and was about to get stuff back where it’s supposed to be when I started to feel exhausted and dizzy. I came out of the truck with the monitor and stumbled a little and a coworker asked if I was okay. I gave her a smile to answer. Went to the storage room to put up or monitor and bag on a shelf and the world just spun and I got more dizzy. I sat down on the floor. It took about a minute and I could slowly get up again. Hoping that this was just a quick thing, it would get over fast. I remember that I needed to make sure I plugged in the truck so I went back outside but that is about it. The coworker had gone after me because she thought I looked different and I wasn’t myself. And she was right. She asked me how I was an I had said “I think I’m about to p…” and just collapsed. Here we go again.
Here is where it comes into place that people know that this can happen, they don’t need to panic, they know I have the pacemaker that will make my heart beat, it will take a couple of minutes and I will be back. And thankfully this time there was a lot of people around to help. Crews from two other trucks was there since it was in the middle of shift change.
Me on a stretcher and in an ambulance and all the things that needs to be done. As always, vitals looked good, 12-lead (EKG) looked good and slowly I started to come back. Remember hearing them say that it didn’t matter what I said, I was going to the hospital. Heard some voices I could recognize and some I had no clue who they were. The world was spinning and my head was hurting. The hospital is only about 1 mile away. But it’s always embarrassing coming in as an employee on a stretcher. I knew they were super busy and here I come like a bag of potato, now taking up more space. But at this point, there was nothing I could do about it. I knew the routines. Bloodworks, x-ray, ct, fluids and home.

What was different this time was that I felt drunk. That’s the only way I can explain it. I have never been drunk but the world was spinning, I couldn’t think clearly, felt like I couldn’t form words with my mouth and I wanted to get out of there but in the same time I had no energy. According to my coworker I hit my head pretty hard in the asphalt. Our regional director came in after a while to check on me and I probably made a total fool out of myself. I only remember talking about ice cream… jeeez, what have I done and said?

I am a hard stick and the IV they tried to do before we took off didn’t work so they had to try to do another one at the hospital. That didn’t work but they got blood for the bloodwork at least. After a while I got medication for the dizziness. They came and did a chest x-ray. But that was it. They never tried another attempt for IV so I didn’t get any fluids, and I believe that was part of the problem, dehydration big time. Nor did I get a CT of my head. But the pill they gave me helped and the world stopped spinning at least.

3.5 hours later I was discharged. The doctor had gone home already and forgot to print discharge papers to show to my employer. I was able to walk back to the station. I have to admit that it wasn’t really a bright idea but I didn’t want to bother anyone. I knew the trucks were busy and I just wanted to go home, not wait any longer. And even though it was a rough walk, I was able to make it. Took a couple of minutes of rest in my car and slowly made it home to the dogs.

Most of the day yesterday was spent in bed. I wasn’t feeling really bad but still a little strange. Headache and some dizziness was still present. Had to do everything in a slow motion pace. I was able to prepare the next episode of the podcast that came out today.
As I was moving around at the house it scared me a little. Except the people who were at the station when this happened, no one knew what was going on. I didn’t write about it on Facebook, and if it’s not on Facebook it never happened, right? And no one cares shit about if I’m dead or alive, no one has asked these two days how I was doing. It gave me two reminders:
1. Be more thoroughly to check up with my friends, especially those with health problems and people that are alone. Don’t assume that everything is fine. They may be like me, I have stopped telling the truth by myself, if you ask i’ll be honest, so therefore I am going to be the annoying friend who asks. 2. I am totally worthless to this world. I can always be replaced with someone better, so it is up to me to proof that I am enough. I am strong and I am not giving up. Never expect anything from anyone. I am all alone, and that’s just how it is. I shall not be sad about it or feel pity. No one cares about what I do, how I feel or my opinion. I have no importance to anyone and it shall not bother me.

Today is much better and after a visit to the chiropractor and to my regular doctor I am cleared to go back to work tomorrow! Not sure anyone wants to work with me or be around me but nothing I can do about it. Today I’m almost back to normal. Probably am slightly dehydrated but I’ve been able to eat a couple of good meals at least. I will have to be careful and if I start to feel worse, I’ll go home.