it is certainly no secret that my heart and body is not like any textbook. One day I am going to write a book about my story that started September 9, 2017 when I had my first cardiac arrest. I often ask myself why I was the chosen to survive that event. The answer “You have something greater to achieve here on earth” is an answer I will accept for now.
When I came home after a week in the hospital I realized that there was a lot of things that wasn’t the same in my body. It was like I had to re-learn how I functioned. One thing that was very hard to adjust to was sudden temperature changes. Well, at first it wasn’t really a problem. It was October so the fall came and we didn’t have the 100+ degree days and we turned off the air conditioners. But I had problems just taking a shower. I had to take lukewarm showers because if it was too warm my blood vessels expanded too much and I passed out. And even though I took a lukewarm shower the temperature change coming out of the shower could be too much. So I had to plan. I needed to have at least two hours where I could be on the couch or the bed after I took a shower. That was the time it took for my body to re-adjust and stabilize my blood pressure. The amount of times I passed out on the floor until figuring out what I had to do, how to medicate and for how long I had to rest was many. Thankfully, when I got my pacemaker in March 2019 most of this problem stabilized.

But then came the spring and summer and with that came another situation. Air Conditioners. That was going to be a big problem for me, and still is. My body can not handle sudden temperature changes very well and if you think about it, it is almost or above 100 F outside and you go indoors to a grocery store where it’s 65-70 degrees. It can be a temperature drop of 30+ degrees. My condition is that my blood vessels doesn’t constrict and when you go indoors, that’s what your body idoes to increase the blood pressure and you get warm. For me, I come into a cold environment and my heart can’t pump enough blood around in my body and I pass out. While you feel as a nice cooldown indoors is for me like walking straight into the freezer, my muscles get stiff and the blood in my body stays at my feet and my heart is fighting to pump the blood around. On top of this I am also chronic anemic so the body doesn’t have a good start to begin with. To avoid this situation I have to have more clothes on when I go indoors.

This is not a visible condition to have. If you look at me, not knowing my medical history you would probably never guess that I have survived two cardiac arrests, have a pacemaker and overcome so many obstacles that I hope you will never encounter.

So this morning I went to my local Brookshire’s grocery store. It was raining and super humid and quite warm so I figured that I probably would need to have a jacket on, the store would most likely be cold.

And I was right! Despite having jeans and soft shell jacket on, I was super cold so I was glad I didn’t just walk in my t-shirt, it would have been a disaster. I got what I needed, paid and was on my way back to the car when a man encountered me. He was in my age and suddenly he looked at me and said “You know it’s not THAT cold, you really don’t need a jacket today.” It took me a second to register what he said and at the time I realized it It was almost too late to comment. But as he came closer and he looked at me with a very judgemental look I said to him “Well sir, I don’t even know if it is worth my time to try to educate you about the life with a heart condition”. The man busted out laughing at me and shaking his head like I was some kind of stupid idiot. I am so sorry that I don’t have the fat you have on your body to protect, and I don’t have a text book body that is easy to figure out,doesn’t need medications to survive, looks amazing and is just pitch perfect.

I know that my condition is invisible. There are so many conditions that are like mine… invisible on the outside but very real on the inside. But we deal with them, we accept them, we live with them, we do the best out of the situation we are in. The last thing I want to hear is that I don’t need to have a sweater or a jacket, or that I am sensitive or stupid. I don’t need your laugh or head shaking. I don’t need you to love or even accept me, but I do need you to respect me as any human being.
I will never ask to turn up the temperature in a house or in a car. I will put on another layer. I may have to remove myself from the environment for a little bit to avoid getting sick. Cold temperatures for me doesn’t just mean that I am cold or freezing. It involves a lot of muscle pain, dizziness, headache and nausea. Things that you don’t see, know or even think about. But for me its a daily reality.

Why am I writing all this? Simply because I know that this is something that I will have to deal with for months now. I know that the comments and giggles behind my back is inevitable. I know that you will think I am the most weird person in the room. But I hope that you can enjoy not having my condition. And with me putting on a jacket or a sweater when you are hot will most likely prevent another episode to deal with.

Respect one another!