I’ve had a couple of days lately where I haven’t really been myself physically or mentally. I’ve had a lot of pain in my body and my blood pressure has been a roller coaster daily; and that has dragged me down. Last week I had some chest pain so I called my cardiologists office but got the answer that if I thought I had a heart attack, I needed to go to the ER. I couldn’t get an appointment until end of January. That brought me down even more. Felt like my health didn’t really matter anymore. I don’t think that my PCP can do much about my symptoms. He can do labs, which will turn out normal, and he can send me to the cardiologist… therefore I don’t bother him.

Monday was a hard day. I woke up and could barely get out a word in English. I think in Swedish most of the times and automatically translates it into the language I need at the second it pops out of my mouth. But suddenly that didn’t happen. I had to think about what to say in English to get it out in English. I could feel my body was not acting normal at all. Made me a little worried that something would go wrong. I couldn’t trust my body. On top of that small things throughout the day didn’t go the way I wanted. I dropped things, couldn’t open things, just fumbled… I got through the day but almost did make it home after work. I was just so exhausted from fighting with myself all day. I came home and just broke down on the floor. One of those lowest moments when you feel alone and just pity for yourself. Went to bed hoping that I would get some sleep between the tears. I must have been so exhausted because I fell asleep fairly quickly.
I woke up when the alarm went off at 1:40 am and felt a little stronger. It was going to be a better day than the previous one. And it was. I still felt a little weird in my body but the blood pressure wasn’t a big roller coaster all day and I didn’t fumble anymore. When I went to bed I said to myself “I can’t continue to feel sorry for myself, there are people that has it much worse than me on all counts you can think of. Get yourself together and make tomorrow a better day, a day that you are pleased with”. Of course, it did help that I am off today.

I woke up at 4 am by myself. Went up and got my meds, let the dogs out and went back in bed for another hour. I love that hour with the dogs. They are so cuddly! Went out of bed and went to work. Swept and mopped the floor. While it was drying I got some promotion stuff done for The Swexan Podcast. The ad I put out in the weekend has gotten so much better response than I ever could expect. I have all episodes until March booked! I think it is 5 or 6 guests so far and several that I haven’t a confirmed date on. I am so happy about that. Obviously there is an interest for people to share their story about their lives and how they ended up where they are right now.
I created a little promo video for the show as well that I put on YouTube and Social Media…

If you are reading this… would you please help me reach out to more people and like and share The Swexan Podcasts social media platforms?

Facebook: www.facebook.com/swexanpodcast
Instagram: www.instagram.com/swexanpodcast
Twitter: www.twitter.com/swexanpodcast
YouTube: www.youtube.com/@swexanpodcast
Website: www.swexan.net

I took a walk with the dogs as a break from the computer for a while. They loved it of course. The smell of fall at the cemetery made me smile. I don’t know why. But the walk made me start feeling better again mentally and physically. I could start feeling that trend towards something more positive. I am not THAT bad after all. Life is a roller coaster, right?

The horses were at the other side of the pasture when I got there so I just put their food out, cleaned the stalls and let them be.

On my way to the barn I dropped all Christmas cards in the mail… if you don’t get a card I probably don’t have your address… don’t blame me, I have shouted on social media to get y’alls information… just saying!

The rest of the day is just doing things that I want to do. I baked a chocolate chip cookie brownie that I will snack on now and then. The advantage of being single… I can do whatever I want whenever I want…

Feeling much better already!