Yesterday was a “good” day. I was able to have a normal day without any major problems. Most of the day was spent in front of the TV and phone, trying to find a place for my horses to stay. I think I found a place so we just have the logistic to figure out. This morning I felt like any other day. I thought that it was time to do a covid test again to see if I was negative as I felt… and I am!

So hilarious when I posted a similar picture earlier this week, so many thought I was pregnant! HA HA HA! No I am not pregnant and if I would, there would be a huge task to find the man… that’s all I can say!

All this time doing nothing hasn’t done me super well really. I am not a person who need to much time to think about stuff. It just screws up my brain. If I continuously do stuff I don’t have time to think. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about where I am in my life this past week and where I want to be. I am absolutely not where I want to be! The thing is… I know what I want to do but I don’t know how to get there. Let me explain myself… or try at least.

I love my life. I love my job. wouldn’t change it for anything. I live in a good house that I rent, I have a great landlord that offers me a great great rent. I have friends, two dogs and it seems like I will be able to keep my horses. BUT, there are things missing. And that is just the horses. Riding, the closeness to horses, training, showing, having a goal. This is actually not something that came just the last week, it’s been a void in me for years. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to get my horses broke, or at least one of them. Or a way to be able to ride again. That is the only thing I am missing in my life. Just writing about this makes me tear up, that’s how much I miss the equestrian life I once had. I really want to come back to the barn so bad. I was (am) really good at it too, but no one knows that…

So here I am, trying to figure out how to make that void filled again. Is East Texas the right place for me to be? It’s not really horse metropol but there is a big community. Should I move somewhere? I don’t have to leave EMS, I can get a job basically anywhere… But don’t worry, as of right now I have no finances to make a move to Florida or California. So it won’t happen in the near future.

Mom always said: if you want something bad enough; show God what you want and that you’re serious, pray about it and stay humble. I woke up this morning after many hours of thinking, looking around in the house and realize that I have so much stuff I don’t need. If I want to move out in the country and live on a farm, here or anywhere else a move would be a huge project just with all the stuff that I have! Stuff I don’t need! The thought of reaching a goal made me start going through the kitchen and see what I could throw away. There was cabinets and drawers that I had not opened in years! Some could be sold, a lot thrown out. This was just a tiny bit of what needs to be done. I have the entire garage and a full storage to deal with but it’s a start somewhere. It won’t give me the money I need but less stuff means less to deal with too. Everything gets a look at and I decide if it has a value for me or not. If it doesn’t then it is the question sell or trash…

I have started a album where I will add and remove stuff as they change. If you are interested give me an offer and I bet we can agree of something…

My mom had so many beautiful and fun things. If anyone is into knitting there are some amazing books here by Kaffe Fassett with patterns and instructions of how to make it. There are small kitchen appliances that has never been used and all kinds of stuff will come as the project goes along. Right now I haven’t even added all the fabrics I have found. So let me know if you are interested!

Regardless of outcome of this cleaning project, it doesn’t hurt to get it done. It may be like a Christmas opening all the boxes and dragging out stuff you didn’t know you had. So we will see where this all ends…