The last two days was all about recovering for me. Monday and Tuesday was long days. Tuesday became extremely long for me as dispatch gave us not just one but two late calls while we were still in Tyler. I woke up at 1:40 am as usual, left the house at 2:45am but I wasn’t back home until 7pm. I hoped that I could make it home on the little gas I had in the car because I didn’t have energy to stop and fuel up. I was too exhausted. I made it inside the house and let the dogs out and collapsed shortly after on the floor. I wasn’t out long, maybe a minute or two but I was so tired. At 7:30pm I was already in bed and asleep. And I slept for 11 hours straight.

To have that long days wears on you and even though I am a morning person, to wake up at 1:40 am is rough! I have just overcome a UTI and kidney infection… or at least so I hope. The doctor hasn’t called back with the last results which tells me that I’m good. But when I woke up on Wednesday morning I was still tired. Both mentally and physically. I didn’t have anything on the schedule for Tuesday at all more than rest, sweep the floors and take a walk with the dogs. And that’s what I did. I fixed the floors right off the bat while the dogs were out on their morning pee. Around 10 am I got dressed and took the boys for a walk.

The weather was awesome. It was supposed to come a cold front in the afternoon but that felt far away right now. I think it was about 64 degrees and cloudy with just a light wind.
I could feel how tired I was. I didn’t have any “drive” in my step. It felt like Twix was pulling which he in one sense was but I was walking significantly slower than normal. The same with my head. Usually my mind is going high power thinking about things I have going on, how to solve problems and it’s like I’m cleaning my brain while I’m walking. Not this day. I didn’t think about anything else than putting one foot in front of another. It was a strange feeling. I was almost excited that I made it home!

At least I had done my workout as planned. That was a good feeling. But when we came to 2pm my body was done. I had to go to bed and just do nothing. Of course that led to me falling a sleep for two hours. That was probably what my body needed!

I had a bunch of things on my agenda for yesterday. I had to get fuel to the car, I had to get an oilchange (far overdue) and I had to go to Terrell to get my nails done (also far overdue). The official payday is today but the money usually hits the bank on Thursdays. But for some reason not yesterday. When I realized that the money wasn’t there my world just broke down. I don’t know why I took that so hard but probably because I was so freaking broke I had to dig into my savings to get $20 to get gas so I can go to work tomorrow. Yes, January has been a very rough month financially for me to say it the least. I felt so worthless and lousy realizing that my plans for the day would not happen. I will have to drive another 240 miles without that oilchange, I will have to hide my hands for another three days since I lost three nails already and I won’t be able to bring food to work tomorrow either. There was no reason for me to be so upset about this. It’s not the end of the world but I’m probably still so tired, this was the only way I knew how to react on it.

It was very cold outside yesterday. I had planned to go to the gym and get something done there but that was not the mood I was in anymore. I needed to clean my head in some way. So I turned to what I know works, my walks. I bundled up the dogs in their coats, put on my ski pants, warm jacket, turtleneck and warm hat and left. It was cold, 29 degrees with a wind chill of 19… But both the dogs and I needed it. The dogs are inside so much when I am working and then when it’s cold as well so for them to come out and move on my days off is a must. The cold weather made even BamBam walk faster than normal. They seem to like having their coats on actually, I believe it helps them a little at least. They get excited when I take them out.
This walk was awesome. Compared to the day prior when I was concentrating on small things, this time I was just walking and “fixing the world” as I usually do. We made a time that is more to the normal time for us. It was actually the second best workout time of 2022.

I came home and was very pleased with myself and the dogs. My “mental health walk” was a success this time. I had now a more relaxed attitude to the situation, knowing that it’s not the end of the world. It is some speed bumps that I need to get over and that’s it. But it also confirmed how important my walks are to me. Not only does it help my mental health but it also helps my very painful hip. The more I move the hip the less pain I have.