First of all, to everyone who has acknowledged my birthday; THANK YOU! You have no idea how much it means to me.

But I believe most of you now think “Crap, I didn’t know it was your birthday!” And I know that you didn’t know. You didn’t know because Facebook didn’t tell you. That is the sad reality in today’s society. We don’t care about our friends birthdays or anniversaries unless social media reminds us. We don’t bother to write it down and remember something that matters for someone. It’s enough with writing a quick “Happy Birthday” on social media and move on. If we write a text message, we have made an effort and if we see the person and actually wish them a happy birthday then we have scored life points! 

When I grew up my family was very thorough with celebrating my birthday since it was so close to Christmas. In Sweden it’s even one day closer since Christmas is celebrated on the 24th. My mom emphasized to me that my birthday was on the 21st, not the 19th, 20th, 22nd or 23rd. She said that that was the best day of her life, therefore we needed to celebrate it on that specific day. Of course we had to move my parties sometimes because of the holidays but on the actual day I was always celebrated in some way! 

As I grew up, my grandparents passed away and life got busy my birthday importance faded away. Mom tried to do something for me but as her health declined it became less, and now she is in heaven watching me. I have always loved to celebrate anything and everything. But it seems like people are simply too busy for Christmas and not interested in celebrate my birthday.  

Today… I worked all day… 4a-4p. A couple of coworkers knew that it was my birthday and they said happy birthday. Thankfully the day went by fast and pretty uneventful. But I was going to keep my tradition that mom and I had for many years. A delicious homemade dinner… ribeye with baked potatoes, lingonberry jam and sour cream.

And it was delicious! So good! It’s always a little emotional simply because mom is not here, I’m all alone and it is a reminder of the loneliness. But I had Alexa sing the birthday song for me so I at least heard it.

Yes, I could get more attention and maybe someone wants to do something if I blast it on social media that it is my birthday but there is a reason for not having it there. And it’s not really a safety/security reason… more an emotional thing.

About 8-9 years ago, mom and I decided to host a birthday/Christmas party. My birthday fell on a weekend and we wanted to take the opportunity to show how Swedes celebrate Christmas. We had cooked food for hours, cleaned the house, decorated and even washed my dogs so they would be good smelling. We had invited about 30 people on Facebook. I didn’t have any addresses so I couldn’t send out invitations but the conversations on Facebook had been going on for a couple of weeks. A couple of people had told me they couldn’t attend and that’s fine but we still expected 20ish people that had mentioned that they would come. Friends and coworkers. But when the time came no one showed up. Not one single person. Someone texted that they had an emergency and wouldn’t make it. But there mom and I sat in the kitchen. Alone. I will never forget that feeling. The feeling of worthlessness, disappointment and sadness. I felt like I should be able to take this smash in my face as an adult but that pain was hard. It didn’t make it shit better that everyone pretended like nothing had happened the week after. 

That day I decided to remove my birthday from social media and not celebrate it officially again. I learned the hard way that my birthday did not matter to anyone. That year scarred me for life. I won’t have any expectations and I won’t get disappointed. Instead I cherish the acknowledgments of my birthday even more. This year wasn’t a bad birthday at all. I am going to bed with a full belly and one year older!