Emotional, drained, tired. Still in shock. That is how I feel right now. I have three days off but there is a lot going on at work so I am on standby to go somewhere if needed.

On Wednesday night we lost a coworker, friend, familymember and paramedic; David Eads. Another coworker was seriously injured but will recover. It is amazing to see how a company comes together, how a line of duty unites. We are all grieving and trying to hold each other up as best as we can.

Yesterday was the most awkward day at work I have ever experienced. We all talked about it, trying to understand. We got an update from the EMT, James himself about his condition and it was a huge relief for all of us. He will be okay. He will have a long recovery but he will be okay.

I, myself am so upset… no… I’m pissed off! The driver… the person who decides to back out an 18 wheeler on a dark hwy 69 with limited visibility walks away with a $250 ticket for unlawful backing. I don’t think I have to express my feelings about this further… he will go home and hug his family and pay this ticket. David will not. James have a long road of recovery, both mentally and physically. Yes, the driver will have to live with this on his mind for the rest of his life. And a $250 ticket that most likely his company will pay for him. I think I’ve said enough about this.

Before I went to work yesterday I felt like I wanted to have a ribbon or something to honor David. I am not a crafty person but in the kitchen I saw an ornament hanging on… a black ribbon! Tadaaa. It was a long ribbon and I knew where I had safety pins. I cut a piece of the ribbon and quickly made my own ribbon. It was just meant to be.

It was an awkward day. We all talked about it. Trying to figure out how to help the two families. UT Health EMS headquarters are doing an amazing job, both helping them and us employees. I am off this weekend but I know there are things happening around this so I have a uniform ready to roll and I can go at any time if need to be. Not often I am off but wear makeup all day, just in case.

I came home from work yesterday and sat down looking through the last couple of hours of updates on social media. Why did I do that? Another friend had been in an accident and was in the hospital with unknown injuries. An acquaintance had lost his daughter that had been sick for a long time. This full moon that is around right now can leave now! I’m so done! Not only is it a full moon, it’s some kind of stupid lunar eclipse bla bla bla fucking moon. I’m done with it. If you’re not superstitious or work in any kind of blue light or hospital environment… be with us during these stupid full moon days and you’ll see. This one has been one of the worst in my life! I’m done!

To tell my full story of the last 36 hours I decided to do a bonus episode of The Swexan Podcast. It is how I found out about the accident and the event thereafter. My thoughts, my feelings. I am not speaking for UT Health EMS, UT Health East Texas or Ardent, it is all from my heart