Today is a special day for me. It is 4 years since I had my first cardiac arrest. I was just coming home from work, it was a regular day. Nothing special had happened and I hadn’t been feeling any different lately. Was talking with my friend Carol on the phone, she was in Alaska where she lived at the time. Suddenly she heard a “bump” and I didn’t answer anymore. The only thing she knew was that I lived outside Canton. She didn’t have my exact address. And what county was Canton in? She took her husbands phone, googled Canton and called Van Zandt Sheriff Departments Office. She knew that I had made a report in the middle of the summer because my house was broken into and my fridge was stolen so she mentioned that to the dispatcher who through that information found a possible address. They sent a deputy and thankfully there was the correct address.

The deputy said that I was actually breathing when he walked in the door. He found me on the floor, face down in the living room. But when he turned me around I took a sigh and stopped breathing. The deputy had taken a BLS class just a couple of month prior so thankfully he knew exactly what to do. Knowing that the ambulance was not far behind he started CPR.
At the first pulse check by the ambulance it was plain asystole. But at the second there was something very vague. Epi, more CPR, the whole five yard and slowly they could feel a pulse. Slow, not more than about 20 beats per minute, but it was something there. That’s the point when you just load and go. Hauled ass to Tyler and Mother Frances Hospital. More Epi and fluids and God knows everything they pushed into me. This bitch was not ready to die today.

My first memory is that I am in some kind of trauma room and there is a lot of people looking at me. I feel drunk. Oxygen is shooting through the mask. There are beeps and noises. It’s all blurry. Weird. Fragments of memories. Slowly I came back to reality but I didn’t know what had happened. More pain meds was given. The pain in the chest was excruciating. I could barely move. They asked me questions and I tried to answer and comply. Someone said that I was lucky to be alive and that today was a miracle. More tests. Labs, EKG, EEG, CT, MRI. I was told that my heart had stopped. You said what?

Rolled to ICU where I spent the night and in the morning I was moved to a regular floor at the heart hospital. Except the much painful chest, that was now all colors of the rainbow, I felt okay. They came in every hour to do something. And then a priest came in! Oh Lord! He had a vest on and he was nice. That’s all I remembered.
I called my landlord asking if they could go over to my house and feed BamBam. He was glad that I called, not knowing what had happened but had seen the commotion at my house the day prior. Then called mom. I didn’t want to tell anyone what had actually happened. I hadn’t grasped it myself so I just said that I had passed out while talking to Carol on the phone.

I remained in the hospital for about week. A lot of pain meds but when I came home I wanted everything to be as normal. I was in a denial of the truth. It was just a syncope. I was able to manage the pain with over the counter medication. But nothing was normal. It was all changed.

Ahead of me layed a journey with endless trips to the hospital and doctors visits. The amount of tests that has been done on me are countless. I’ve had to have a heart monitor for 30 days, a blood pressure cuff on 24/7 that took my blood pressure every freaking hour. You name it, I’ve done it. For every tests came more questions than answers. Why did I, a somewhat healthy 37 year old have a cardiac arrest out of the blue? And why did I survive? Why did just THAT deputy come that had CPR fresh in his mind and knew what to do? So many questions without answers. So much gratitude to everyone who helped me both that day and all other days I’ve been sick.

6 months passed with me being worse and worse. I tried to hide the truth but couldn’t. I finally had to tell the to mom and she was actually glad that I had kept it to myself for as long as I did because she would have been worried to death about me. It was enough to get the calls that I was back in the hospital.
What I wasn’t told when I left the hospital was how an event like this would screw with your mind. All thoughts and emotions to deal with. Then on top of it be quiet… not good. But I pulled through. Looking in the rear mirror, I learned the importance of being honest and open about it. It will help both you and the people around you.

March 20, 2018 I was going into another check up at the cardiologist office. A month prior I had been there and passed out in the office, right in front of the doctor, scaring the shit out of the staff. My cardiologist had made up his mind, pacemaker it is. Finally! Since I didn’t have any insurance and they had an opening the following day for surgery he asked me to go down to the ER tell them that he sent me and check me in. Good Lord, I’ve heard about weird reasons to go to the ER but this… Anyway, down I go. Since I now know that I will be in the hospital for at least two nights and I would have to have my left arm still for 3-4 weeks I had plenty of time while in the waiting room to let people know what was going on and reschedule everything I had going on.
The nurse came to take me back and saw that I was absolutely ambulatory and said “Great I’ll bring along another patient in a wheelchair”. I stood up and that was the end of it. If you are going to have any kind of cardiac event, at the hospital is a really good place BUT… don’t have it right in the waiting room so you scare the shit out of all patients! I stopped breathing immediately and they came with an AED, placed it… asystole… Epi… straight into V-tach… fuck… shock! Boom! Success! Brady but sinus rhythm. Up on a bed and straight to a trauma room instead, where I woke up after a while. I don’t have any grasp of the time. But I remember my cardiologist coming down to the ER and shaking his head and say “you really like to do drama and keep people on their toes…”

The following morning, March 21, on my late grandmother’s 90th birthday I was honored with a pacemaker. A super easy surgery (for me). Read the notes afterwards, not sure they were for me but they were left in my room so I took them and it seemed to have gone fairly easy. I woke up and felt great. Suddenly I had energy! I had a life.

Even though I still have some trouble with my heart and syncope and stuff, I consider myself living a normal life. I am super grateful to be here and trying to figure out the reason for me surviving both these events. But that’s one of the reasons for going into EMS and I am so grateful that I am able to put on this uniform every single day!

Going through all this also taught me the importance to check up on your friends and family. If you are thinking of someone, send them a text, give them a call or something. Make them know that you thought of them. It may be what they needed just then. It will most likely mean more to them than you realize. Take that moment right now, don’t say “I’ll do it later” because later may not come… do it when you think about it. It won’t hurt…

If you know me, you know that I am all for cardiac related events. I don’t mind telling my story. We are not many that have the honor to do so. Yesterday was a day when Dallas Heart Walk took place. Due to that I was on stand by at work I didn’t dare signing up for it. But my coworker Summer had signed up to walk. She has a family member with heart problems as well. Right after I came home from my walk with the dogs she sent me message with two pictures

I broke down like a baby. Wow! I don’t know what to say about this. I am so blessed and grateful! Never have anyone done anything like this for me, if they have they haven’t let me know. Summer, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU! I don’t think you realize how much this meant to me. Just writing this makes me tear up!

Yesterday I sang the National Anthem at a small Memorial Event in Terrell. When I got there I saw a man that looked very familiar. I didn’t know who he was but when addressed someone called him Jason. I knew that he was not someone I’ve seen in Terrell but didn’t think more about it. When he was introduced at the event it turned out he is the Chaplain at Terrell State Hospital. We were talking a little bit and it turned out that before starting this position, he worked at… Mother Frances! Remember the priest in the vest that came to my room the days after my first cardiac arrest! The same man is standing next to me the day before my 4 year anniversary! God certainly has it ways!

I had to sing at this event in uniform since I almost had to head straight to work. I had about 15 minutes at home to let the dogs out to potty before I had to head out again for a night shift in Mineola. While I’m just about to head out the phone rings. Its scheduling. I don’t remember how or why but I was told that I did not have to come in on my SOC day, I could stay home and sleep in my own bed! I could be well rested to this day!

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a public invitation here in my blog. I haven’t had the opportunity to celebrate my birthday for many years, nor have I been able to do anything for my pacemaker day, ever. So I decided that I will go out and celebrate this day and whomever would like to join is more than welcome to. I am going to have lunch at 1pm at Applebee’s in Canton (335 E, TX-243, Canton, TX 75103). Yes, I am absolutely still going because I have been looking forward to a stake and potato with mushrooms for so long now! And yes, if you would like to join, you are more than welcome! I feel I have a lot to celebrate, 4 years of being alive still!