Yesterday was a world wide weird day. 9/11 and everyone knows. But for me, this day, 9/12/2017 is also a day with mixed emotions. Blessed to sit here, able to write this. Painful memories to look back at, both physically and emotionally. I try to look at it from the strong side. How far have I come since that day… the day that would change my life in a split second.

It had been a regular Tuesday. I had just came home from another day at the office. I left around 3pm because I was done. My friend Carol called on my way home and we were having a great conversation. Remember I walked in the door and let BamBam in. Gave him some food while still talking on the phone. Suddenly I get dizzy. I thought I turned around too fast. But it didn’t stop. According to Carol I started to sound funny and didn’t make any sense in what I was saying. But that is all I remember. Carol told me that all she heard was a strange sound and a boom. Thereafter the only sound she heard was BamBam walking around and sniffing.

Carol lived at this time in Alaska. She is from DFW originally so she knows a little about the area. But she didn’t know where exactly I lived. She new I lived outside Canton, not within the city limits. So she quickly googled to see what county it was and called the Sheriffs department. She of course had to hang up so she didn’t know at all what to say. “Ehhh… I was talking to my friend on the phone and heard a boom and then it was quiet. She lives outside Canton but I don’t know where.”
Well we had just been talking about an incident that happened 2 months earlier. I came home on a Friday night and found that someone had been in my house. But the only thing they took was the fridge full with food. I had just filled it up so it was slammed. I had a little fridge that was standing on this table

She went on my Facebook to see if she could find the pictures and what date I posted them. She knew I made a report about it, it was just weird that they ONLY took the fridge. No jewelry, computer or anything else of value. So she mentioned this to the dispatcher who looked up my name and found a report made on that specific day. Well whoever did that burglary, I hope the food tasted good, next time just knock when I am home and I will be happy to cook you something instead but thank you for saving my life. They sent a deputy out for a wellfare check.

The deputy found me on the foor, face down. At this time I am still breathing but it is very slow. He could barely find a pulse. He call for EMS and tries to wake me up. Soon to realize I am not breathing anymore. The CPR class he took just a couple of months earlier now came into practice really fast. He started CPR. EMS came just a couple of minutes later to continue. Compressions, Epinephirine, Medications left and right. Then out of nowhere they have a pulse. At that time it is just to load and go. Christus Mother Frances, lights and sirens.

My next memory is from a huge trauma room with a lot of loud people. I have a tube chuffed down my throat so I can’t talk. I can’t move. It is all blurry. The pain… I can’t even try to explain it. The room goes quiet. A man leans over my head and looks me in the eyes and says “just breath, the only thing you do right now is concentrating on breathing”. Everyone is looking at monitors. Nodding, agreeing, seems to be satisfied.
The doctor concludes that I can breath on my own and decides to remove the tube. More pain meds and out it goes. I am not allowed to move. I need to pee. A nurse is always by my side. Taking my vitals every 5 minutes, talking to me. The doctor comes in every 30 minutes. After a couple of hours they move me to a smaller room. I am stable, out of the woods. Filled with God knows what medications. My head is foggy. My chest is blue and painful. But I am alive. Trying to wrap my head around where I am and what happened. Mom. Did she know? It is now in the middle of the night. I can’t call her now. Well, everything is under control, Bam had food and could go out. I’m too tired to deal with it now. Need to pee again. Damn. How many bags of fluids have they put in me? This is what I see…

Right now just one bag hanging. It was three or maybe four earlier. The nurse comes in every 15 minute to check on me. She tells me they are waiting for neurologist to come and do an EEG and after that I will go to the floor. “Did I just die?” I asked her. “Yeah, you kind of did”, she answered. She was so kind. I wish I knew her name. She took a chair and sat down next to me and explained what had happened. Why I had the pain I had and in detail what to expect the next 24-48 hours. She straight off the bat told me that I was not going home for a couple of days. She was right.

The neurologist came and did an EEG. They were worried that either I could have a seizure that caused the entire event or that I could have occurred some injury from the event. Thankfully they didn’t find signs of either of those alternatives.

After many hours they finally rolled me up on the floor at Peaches & Owen’s Heart Hospital. I don’t remember much of my 5 day stay there. I was pretty drugged up to relieve the pain in my chest. It was a pain I simply can’t explain. Hit by an express freight train about 10 times over and over again. I was dizzy as crazy and could barely stand on my feet. Food was not on the planet earth to think about. This was my lifeline.

As soon as they tried to stop the fluids my blood pressure dropped. I was finally sent home, stable enough with new medications to stabilize my body. Home to a new life, a new body, a new lifestyle. So far I hadn’t told anyone the true reason for my hospital stay. I said that I just passed out because that had happened earlier in the year. I didn’t want to worry anyone. Mom and some selected friends knew. I tried to live normal life. The hospital gave me a blood pressure cuff so I could take my blood pressure on certain hours. This was a normal reading while I was up and about

The doctor was not happy. Over and over again he got low readings, and it didn’t matter what I did. Resting, walking, working. And I felt miserable. Tried to keep everything as normal as possible but my syncope’s became more and more frequent. I got a heart monitor to wear for 30 days… Gosh I hated this thing

It confirmed at least what had happened. I was so severely bradycardic so my heart just didn’t see a reason to beat. But yet we hoped that we could solve everything with medications. But my situation only became worse and worse. I passed out everywhere. I started to work out, power walking, hoping that it would help. Not really. Well, I lost weight like crazy which was awesome. The vaso constricting medications and all the walking did good in that sense. But my body was just too tired. My mind was exhausted. No one told me about the mental challenges that comes after a cardiac arrest. I tried to be quiet about the truth, keep it to just having syncope’s. But my head was filled with all these questions that no one could answer.

For 6 month I was a frequent flyer to the hospital. EMS and the sheriffs department knew who I was, my condition and situation, they knew what to do with BamBam, to text mom. It was the most horrible situation ever. I could not for the entire world trust my body. I had to plan every day as I would end up in the hospital. Mentally, I was a wreck. Felt scared and alone. Would it happen again? Where? When? Why? Why did I survive?

Fast forward to March 20, 2018. A regular doctors visit to the cardiologist. We had made some changes in the medications at the previous visit three weeks earlier. At that visit they had also had the experience to witness one of my very much interesting syncope episodes in their office. I guess that was the final straw. Pacemaker it was. Now. It wasn’t even to schedule it a week ahead or so, no go down to the ER and get admitted to the hospital. See you in surgery tomorrow at 8am. Oki Doki Doc.
Went down to the ER and told them why I was there. They called up to the cardiologist to confirm the situation and then I waited. Figured that I had to start re-arranging my schedule for a couple of days. Went through triage and was put back out in the waiting room to get a room. Started to feel that my blood pressure was going down but at this point, that was nothing new. The nurse came and saw that I could walk, “Sure” I said, stood up and collapsed again. In the middle of the waiting room. There we were again. From 100 not nothing in 1 second. Not breathing. But V-tach. I can just imagine what the heck was going on through peoples minds when they rolled out the crash cart and started working on me right there. Up on a cot and off we went. Shocked once and I was back. I think I woke up from the chock but I don’t know. I was so confused. And the headache and muscle ache… wohooo that was a new thing. Think I spent maybe an hour at the ER before I got a bed in ICU where I spent the night. The following morning, March 21, on my late grandmother’s 90 years birthday I was rolled in to surgery and got my pacemaker. From that day on, March 21st will always be my birthday!

What I have learned since then. Live every day like it is your last because it might be. Love life and the people around you. Be kind and smile, always!