For anyone who has experienced a traumatic event sometimes ask themselves why did I survive? Or why did it happen to me? Questions we rarely get answers on.

September 12th, 2017 was the day when things abruptly changed for me. My first cardiac arrest. There are things things that comes with an event like that, thoughts, emotions, physical obstacles, body changes, etc. Experiences, thoughts and feelings that you just can’t explain in a good way to someone that hasn’t gone through it. And don’t get me wrong here, I don’t wish anyone to go through a cardiac arrest!

Yesterday at work… it is about 4pm and we had just gotten to the hospital from a call in Chandler, far away for a Mineola truck to pick up a patient. We still had the patient on our stretcher when dispatch send us our next call. A transfer from Tyler to Sulphur Springs. That is even further away. All three of us (we had a probie on the truck yesterday) gave up. We just needed a break. This was a 1.5 hour transfer and then the time on scene there and the time back to Mineola. We knew that we wouldn’t be cleared from this call until 9pm. But it is a part of the job, just deal with it and do the best out of it.
So we pick up the patient and since it was a transfer it was me doing the patient care. The verbal report from the nurse was that the patient had been in the hospital for a couple of days for sepsis. So we loaded the patient up and went on our way. I have a report to make while we are transporting. I monitor the vitals of the patient and make sure he/she is okay. These transfers are pretty easy to do mostly. I start looking in the paperwork that the hospital sent with me and there it said “Reason for admission: Cardiac Arrest”. What? The patient was a mid-age woman, alert and oriented, so I asked her why she was in the hospital. There is a big difference between sepsis and cardiac arrest. It doesn’t really matter in the sense of care but if something would happen during the trip that is quite important to know! And yeah, she had been in the hospital for 8 days after having a cardiac arrest!
So of course we started talking about what had happened to her, and I told her what I went through three years ago. And I told her things that no one told me when I got out of the hospital, that I wish I knew. For example the things in your body that changes, tolerance for heat and cold. The emotional roller coaster that might be. The loneliness. The feeling that no one understands what you are talking about because there is no way they can put themselves in that very weird situations. I told her about how I felt when I woke up at the hospital, how I couldn’t explain the physical and mental pain for anyone but when I said it feels like you have been hit by a speeding freight train she knew. I told her about the questions I asked myself that I will never probably get an answer of and that it is okay to have good days and bad days.
As the transfer went on towards her home I think she got a little insight in that she wasn’t alone. She had gotten some tips of what to do, what to expect, where to look for answers. As we separated at her house I told her three things that I do to help me through the days, and what keeps me positive.

1. Every day when I wake up, I make it my mission to put a smile on somebody’s face that day. It doesn’t have to be for a long time, but just a simple little smile. If that is by something I do or something I say and for a tiny second, my mission for that day is accomplished.
2. Every night when I go to bed I tell myself three things that I am thankful or grateful for or that I have done well during the day.
3. Enjoy life. You don’t know if tomorrow will come so live every day like it is the very last! Celebrate milestones, birthdays, anniversaries. Call friends and make sure they know they are loved. Stay positive and try to see the bright side of everything. You got a second chance, we are not many that can say that!

I was sitting in the ambulance on our way back to Mineola and thought about this call. This is why I survived. Meetings like this. Being able to help someone, even just a tiny step. She knows she is not alone. She knows that what she is feeling, thinking and experiencing isn’t weird. It is normal. Unless you are a cardiac arrest survivor, sorry, there is no way you can understand. We all experience things differently. It is not like you lose a relative or friend, it’s like you lost your body, mind and soul and found it again, now it all have to be re-attached again. And it doesn’t matter if you are a doctor who knows all about the body, it is just such an unrealistic experience.

I am so blessed to be here still. I got that much needed confirmation that I did the right thing going back into EMS again. This is where I belong and every day I put that uniform on is an honor! And I will continue to make at least one person smile, every day.