I knew this day would come. I was mentally preparing myself every time I heard on the radio that someone transported a patient to Homeplace. I knew it was gonna hurt. Bad. That very day came yesterday.

Homeplace, or Hospice of East Texas is the facility where mom passed away. The last time I was there I said good bye to mom. She was gone. She was in peace. I was not.
I was working an Athens truck yesterday and we got a transfer from a hospital to Homeplace. I saw in the page where it was going and it hit me like a brick. I was so grateful to work with Alex who knew exactly what just happened. I didn’t have to say much. Tears were already streaming down my cheeks. It was supposed to be my patient but Alex didn’t hesitate to take it. I wasn’t going to be able to. Thankfully the patient was sleeping during transport. I had a hard time keeping myself together trying to drive.
Some deep breaths when we got there to gather myself. Use all the strength and power I had to pull myself together and not cry. I was going to pull myself together until the patient care was over with. Came into the hallway and the first person I see was mom’s doctor. Oh Lord. He was an awesome doctor, but I hoped he didn’t recognize me. He did. He saw that I was fighting the tears. The nurse knew who I was as well. They all looked at me struggling to keep myself together. They knew that I had not been there since May 14th. We got the patient over to the bed and I left the room. Dr. Becker came out and walked straight up to me and gave me a bearhug. He didn’t say anything. I lost it. Got the stretcher ready and out in the ambulance. It was hot and muggy. I just could not for the entire world stop crying.

I knew this day would come. I knew it would be hard. And I am so grateful that it was late at night so the facility wasn’t slammed with people. I hoped that no one recognized me, they did and they helped me through this in an amazing way. Alex supported me in the best way ever! So thankful that I was working with someone who knew so I didn’t have to explain. The first cut is the deepest. I have now been there once, maybe next time won’t be as hard. Maybe… Just writing this post has been rough. But it’s a process. After all, it is only 3 months since mom passed away.