I have always been open with my health. During the last three years it’s certainly been a mystery. For me it seems like it is something underlaying that is not showing up on tests or labs but once it does it will either be a “oh shit” moment or a “finally we found it” moment. At this point I hope that either of these outcomes is coming soon because I am so freaking tired of this!

Two weeks ago I started to feel tired. It wasn’t tiredness that would go away if I sleep. It was fatigue in my muscles and body. I had some weird tachycardic episodes without doing anything and I was dizzy on and off. After trying to rest for a couple of days and then fight my body I finally gave in and went to the doctor. Guess my body had enough already then as I passed out in his office. Went to the cardiologist the day after and they couldn’t see anything of concern on the pacemaker. But they added a new medication, a steroid that hopefully would help on the syncope and then sent me down to the ER to get some fluids and do some labs, which was as pitch perfect as it could be. Great! Super. There is nothing wrong… *Happy dance*

Was off one shift due to the new medications in case I had a reaction to them. We didn’t want to risk the chance that I got dizzy while driving a big ambulance.
Back to work, back to exercising and living a “normal” life. At least the dizziness went away which was awesome! Fighting my body and ignoring the nausea the new meds brought, the tachy episodes and the continuing fatigue. Actually had a really good day last Sunday when I could do all my workout without problems!
Work on Monday was busy but okay. Guess we were so busy so it was easy to ignore myself. I didn’t have anything planned for these two days off and thank goodness for that! I think I have in total spent maybe 6 hours on my feet! The rest of the time has been on the couch, in bed or on the floor.

What the heck is wrong? Why can’t I figure this crap out? There is no way that someone should be as tired as I am. I went to bed at 7pm last night, woke up at 6am this morning and it felt like my body could not move. I let the dogs out and went back in bed for an hour. Decided that this was not how it was gonna be, I was going to push it. So I took the dogs for a 30 minutes walk to get my body going. Came home and collapsed. I have no clue how long I was out. But I woke up and found myself on the livingroom floor. Made my way to the couch where I fell asleep for another 2 hours. This is just like when I had hyperthyroidism. I slept for 20 hours a day and couldn’t do anything. But I had my thyroid removed, just did labs for it and my medication is perfect, which means that is already ruled out.

I had a bunch of stuff I wanted to do today. I have been so tired I couldn’t even risk to work out more than that walk with the dogs. I just doesn’t want to take the risk to pass out around town (again) and I need to save my energy for work tomorrow. At least I can ignore my body much easier while at work.

So what do I do now? My primary doctor has done what he can do. He believes it is cardiac related. My electrophysiologist says it is sinus tachycardia as long as I’m not exercising, then it goes into SVT sometimes but since I’m converting myself, to take more actions such as ablation would most likely not benefit me. With the labs taken at the hospital two weeks ago there is no reason to bother my hematologist since it looked so good…

I guess with all this, there is only one thing to do and that is to keep on trolling and fighting. As frustrating as it is. But until my body has decided to show, without a doubt, what is going on there is nothing else that can be done. And to be able to fight, I am finding strength where ever I can. One of the sources is music. I heard this song the other day from the movie Leon (1994) and this is what I am telling myself every morning… I am a Porsche without breaks!

All smiles, I know what it takes to fool this town
I’ll do it ’til the sun goes down and all through the night time
Oh yeah, oh yeah,
I’ll tell you what you wanna hear
Leave my sunglasses on while I shed a tear
It’s never the right time,
yeah, yeah
I put my armor on,
show you how strong how I am I put my armor on,
I’ll show you that I am I’m unstoppable
I’m a Porsche with no brakes
I’m invincible Yeah,
I win every single game
I’m so powerful
I don’t need batteries to play I’m so confident, yeah,
I’m unstoppable today
Unstoppable today, unstoppable today
Unstoppable today,
I’m unstoppable today Break down,
only alone I will cry out now
You’ll never see what’s hiding out
Hiding out deep down, yeah, yeah
I know, I’ve heard that to let your feelings show
Is the only way to make friendships grow
But I’m too afraid now, yeah, yeah
I put my armor on, show you how strong how
I am I put my armor on, I’ll show you that I am
I’m unstoppable
I’m a Porsche with no brakes
I’m invincible Yeah,
I win every single game
I’m so powerful
I don’t need batteries to play
I’m so confident, yeah,
I’m unstoppable today
Unstoppable today, unstoppable today
Unstoppable today,
I’m unstoppable today Unstoppable today,
unstoppable today Unstoppable today,
I’m unstoppable today
I put my armor on, show you how strong how I am
I put my armor on, I’ll show you that I am
I’m unstoppable
I’m a Porsche with no brakes
I’m invincible Yeah,
I win every single game
I’m so powerful I don’t need batteries to play
I’m so confident, yeah,
I’m unstoppable today
Unstoppable today, unstoppable today
Unstoppable today,
I’m unstoppable today
Unstoppable today, unstoppable today
Unstoppable today,
I’m unstoppable today